He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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