i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
