i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
