I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
