i may or may not be watching the land before time
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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