I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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