Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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