I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
