my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
