It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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