How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
