Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
