just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
