i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
