i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
