ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
