don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
