i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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