You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
