her vagine was all disorganized.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
