you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
