I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
