Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
