nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
