all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
