That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
