The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Too much gin, very little bucket
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize