Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
