wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
