We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
