someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
