Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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