I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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