the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
