You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
