when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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