I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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