I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
