we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
