Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
