When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
