if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
