Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
