i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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