sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
