it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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