my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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