Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
