I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
