My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
