Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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