It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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