his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
