I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
