those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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