I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
