i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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