So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
