after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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