I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
