I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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