Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
