It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
