Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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