Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
