i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize