nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
