He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
