i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
