I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
