you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i now understand why vodka
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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