Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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