I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
