He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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