How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
