I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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