I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
