I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
