Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
