I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
