Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

but the lizard people decide everything anyway

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(530): View more from California

We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?

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(716): View more from New York

You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

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(469): View more from Texas

Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything

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(+45): View more from Denmark

The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.

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(714): View more from California

Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.

(206): View more from Washington

Definitely not.

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(619): View more from California

Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!

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